✿ Lola's Dreamscape ✿

Moving...

2010-11-26T00:37:00.005-07:00

New blog home: The Lighthouse (Be A Light In The Dark)

Free Write: DayDreamer

2010-11-23T03:24:00.001-07:00

Sitting in the bus

Driving to anywhere

Looking through the window

A blurry world speeds by

I wonder what stories

The people outside would tell

All those soul and hearts

Waiting for something...for someone

I close my eyes to escape

For a moment everything goes blank

I find myself in a dream

A world I created just for me

I lie there in the field of grass

Staring up at the Sun

As time slips into time

The Wind whispers secrets in my ear

I drift deeper into this dream

Far away from the burden of my reality

Peace blooms inside my body

By: Lola O.

What We'll Never Be...

2010-11-22T04:38:00.004-07:00

I sit here in the darkness

Listening to songs that remind me of you

I know that we can't go back to those days

The ones where we shared time together

You and I have changed from our younger selves

I didn't want to accept that I had to let you go

Because deep down I don't want to

I keep saying this will be the last time

My reserve fades away with every memory

Of who you've always been to me

I'm foolish, so very very foolish

We all know my emotions get the best of me

I keep trembling when it comes to you

Even so, I have no regrets

This is what living is about

I'm not afraid to risk anymore

I know the rewards and consequences

I'm afraid of never trying, never being honest

Growing old with bitterness as my companion

Even when I stumble, even when I hurt

I'll live knowing I gave it my best, I gave it my all

I have to say goodbye to you

We live in separate worlds now

I thought I could live in yours or you could live in mine

I was dreaming and now I'm awake

Facing the reality of what is and what will never be

I still see you when I close my eyes

Memories living inside of me

I don't regret taking a chance

No more what ifs or could be's

Now I know it was only me that felt more

That hurts, but over time it will heal

I won't live wondering or wishing

I'll move on someday and find mutual love

You'll always be my first taste

I hope you know deep down in your soul

The beauty and light that is you

I felt blessed every moment I had with you

Even now, I'm glad we met

I'm thankful that for a while you and I

Filled pages of time together

I won't wait for you anymore

I know I have to let you go

I don't want to forget you

I wish things were different

My heart hurts so much these days

Tears keep overflowing down my face

I know I have to let you go

I just don't want to...

By: Lola O.

Song Lyrics: Closer To Me

2010-10-14T23:55:00.003-07:00

I'd like to hold you in my arms
To let my warmth heal your pain
I'm only one person, but I'd do everything
I could to save you from hurting

Come closer to me
Let me wrap my arms around you
Lean on me and you'll see
That between us we can
Find a way out of the darkness

Can you feel my love
Seeping inside your veins?
Let it flow throughout your body
And make the cold fade away

Come closer to me
Let me wrap my arms around you
Lean on me and you'll see
That between us we can
Find a way out of the darkness

Don't worry about me dear
My warmth is yours for the taking
I'll use it all if it can save you
My wish is to see you smile again
To make you laugh everyday

Come closer to me
Let me wrap my arms around you
Lean on me and you'll see
That between us we can
Find a way out of the darkness

Come closer to me
Let me wrap my arms around you
Lean on me and you'll see
That between us we can
Find a way out of the darkness

Come closer to me
I'll welcome you with open arms
Come closer to me
I'll pull you out with my bare hands
My love, come closer to me...

By Lola O.
Written 9/10/2010

Dear Peace...

2010-10-07T23:48:00.003-07:00

I've been searching for you for almost 23 years

And I still haven't grasped you.

How can I make you mine forever?

Can you even be captured?

I drift to sleep asking for you.

I wake up hoping to find you with me, but you never show yourself.

Am I unworthy of you?

Is my mind too chaotic for you to exist?

I sit here writing these words, hoping you'll whisper clues to me, and I'll finally get it.

Whatever there is to get, that will unlock you and bring you inside my being.

Will I forever live without knowing you?

What a sad life that would be.

One day I hope you'll give me a chance to experience your touch.

To know you and have you flow through me.

Clearing my mind of the cobwebs that have crept in over time.

Peace, may I have you?

By: Lola O.

Written 9/10/2010

Free Write: Tuesdays

2010-09-30T23:34:00.002-07:00

"Rant"

Frustrated...

That one word

Sums up my state

When will things

Get easier for me

Nothing ever just

Goes as planned

I'd like to

Be lucky

Just for one day

So I can feel

What it means

To get what I want

"Light"

It's my time to shine

But the lights desert me

I stand here in the dark

Listening to my breathing

I can feel my body shaking

I don't know where to go

Even if I knew where

I still don't know how

Time passes and I don't move

No one comes to help me

No one trys to find me

All alone in the dark

My light remains

For no one to see

"Music"

With my eyes closed

I absorb the lyrics

Let them flow into my soul

Sometimes they heal

Most times they just comfort

I hear that voice

Streaming into my ears

It reaches into me

Pulling out my sadness

That dark and ugly feeling

Empties from my body

For those few minutes

I've found a friend

Someone who says

Exactly what I need to hear

If only for a little while

I feel like they understand

What I'm going through

Where I've been

A song written

For someone or no one

Particulary not me

Changes my life

Gives me hope

Inspires my heart

Sets me free

In that moment

Everything fades away

All the dark thoughts

All the negativity

Takes a back seat

To this beautiful melody

When the song ends

I can feel it all creeping back in

So I press repeat...

Free Write: Belong

2010-09-30T06:11:00.001-07:00

"Overwhelmed"

I feel the tears flooding my eyes
Slowly slipping out of their hiding spots
It's dark inside my place
Casting shadows all around me
I take a deep breath to shake it off
That feeling of breaking down
Into even more shattered pieces

By: Lola O.

"Liar"

I tell you nothing with my words

There is so much I keep inside

I lie with my smiles and my tongue

To protect you from my sorrow

Lately I want to let it all out

Sometimes I want to scream in agony

So that then you would hear me

So that then you would listen to me

You'd see that I'm a liar

That all the strength I display

Is a mask to hide the weakness

Buried within everything I do

That smile I give to you each day

Is the only one I manage to make

That my "I'm fine" isn't the truth

I'm not fine, I'm so far away from fine

I'm a liar because I'm afraid

To tell you about the darkness inside of me

Afraid you'll judge, retreat, or call me crazy

I don't know if I can trust you with this

With my vulnerability

So I lie everyday

I lie to your face

To your eyes and heart

I lie to you all the time

Hoping that you'll dig a little deeper

Seek out my truth

By Lola O.

Free Write:

2010-09-23T17:34:00.002-07:00

"Untitled..."

I'm smiling

A smile from deep within

I'm dreaming

A dream without limitations

I'm hoping

A hope that will endure

I'm laughing

A laugh overflowing with joy

I'm living

A life I've imagined

I'm loving

A love made with sincerity

By: Lola O.

9/13/2010

Free Write: I See You...NOT

2010-09-16T23:58:00.005-07:00

Untitiled 1

I tell you nothing with my words

I keep the truth hidden in Silence

I wish you'd see me

I remain invisible

Masked by smiles and laughter

If only you knew

The Darkness brimming

Inside of me

Sometimes I want to scream

Open your eyes!!!

Look deeper!!!

See me!!!

Don't let me disappear...

I never do

Untitled 2

You've only skimmed my surface

When will you dive into my layers?

I thought you wanted to know me

Are you afraid to get your hands dirty?

Here I am waiting for you to open me up

Did you have second thoughts?

I believe in you

Why are you hesitating?

Unlock my secrets

Will you be there in the morning?

Untitled 3

I miss you

Everyday you race around my mind

You hurt me

That wound still hasn't healed

I love you

When will I get my heart back?

You're so cold

I lie frozen in shock

Untitled 4

I'm dancing around my room

Daydreaming of you

Laughing and smiling

My body moves to each beat

The pitter patter of my feet

Vibrates the floor

Our jam is playing on repeat

With words for you and me

Can you hear the rhythm?

Can you feel the beat?

I dance as if you're here with me

Imagining our bodies grazing

Our fingers swaying

I back up

You move forward

I break it down

You turn it up

The song ends

I open my eyes

It's only me...

By: Lola O.

A Time Of Rain

2010-09-09T23:58:00.000-07:00

I look to my left

Through the windows

I see raindrops falling

I hear their symphony

A smile escapes my lips

Each drop of Rain

Cleanses our Earth

I open the window

So I can greet the Wind

Rain splatters on my face

Cool to the touch

It skims down my skin

Dying on my clothes

More drops find their way in

I embrace them

Rain cleanses me

From the outside in

By: Lola O.

Life Is...

2010-07-07T22:29:00.000-07:00

When I'm having a rought moment in my life I like to listen to this song, it helps me pick myself back up again.

Free Write: Hurt

2010-06-23T17:11:00.001-07:00

With my face buried in pillows

I whimpered in sorrow

It hurts

The tears well up inside of me

And spill out of my eyes

It hurts

I scream in agony

Broken and hollow

It hurts

Free Write: Untitled

2010-06-09T21:32:00.001-07:00

I close my eyes

When I open them

I am in a grassy field

The sun is shining down on me

I can hear the rush of water nearby

Feel the wind caress my skin

The sky is bright blue

I lie down on the earth

Feel my body sink into it

I smile for no reason at all

It's the best kind of smile

The warmth of the day reaches me

I feel peaceful and free

Today is a day to remember

I can smell the rain coming

One drop, Two drops...it is falling down on me

It's warm and then it becomes cool

I lie there as it washes over me

Cleansing me from the outside in

The earth underneath me melts at its touch

I open my mouth for a taste

The raindrops slide down my tongue...it's soothing

I'm soaking wet but I don't care

I rise up, and feel the weight of my clothes

I begin to run, wondering where I should go now

By: Lola O.

Free Write: Light

2010-06-09T00:09:00.001-07:00

"Untitled"

Sitting in a blue chair

I look out the window

The trees making a flutter

The light of day soothes me

"Light Outside"

The music from my ipod streams through my ears

A song that makes me catch my breathe

Telling me there is a light oustside

Bringing back memories of moments

When the darkness seemed endless

I feel warm inside knowing I survived

Now I am walking in the sunlight

The dark has no power over me

"Now & Then"

I'm thinking of you

Wondering what I can do

To save you from yourself

I used to be just like you

Hungry, Alone, Cold, Broken, Scarred

Even now those wounds are still there

I had to "fix" me on my own

No one knew the shadows of my life

The person I was then was empty

Now, I am learning what fills me up slowly

My story almost came to an end

But now a new chapter is being written

Take my hand and let me pull you out

Of the darkness that surrounds you

Hear my voice and let me guide you to

A place to heal your mind

Trust me and let me inside

I'm here to help you turn the page

There is a world beyond this moment of desperation

You feel numb

You feel empty

You feel lonely

You feel tired

You feel...

Those feelings don't define you

They don't own you

They can't break you
They won't control you

You have a choice to make

I hope you choose this life

To feel alive in the here and now

To fight

To survive

To live

To give it a try

I'll be waiting here for you
At the end of this life journey

To share my story and to hear your own

So live a long time my friend

At the end I'll be there to listen
That's a forever kind of promise

Now, take a step into the now

Let go of what was then

Close your eyes

Breathe in

Breathe out

Go on living

"Wings"

I close my eyes

Leaving my body behind

I can hear the beat of life

Feel the brush of love against my skin

I find my wings and begin to soar

Higher, higher, higher I go

I'm looking down below
Through the clouds I see

The world below so small and fragile

A place of my beginnings
Of moments and memories
Up here everything remains
Untouched
Free
...Peaceful

I breathe it all in
Time here is fragile
Soon I'll have to go
Back to the world below

Sky

2010-06-03T00:28:00.000-07:00

I'm falling from the sky

I close my eyes and just breathe

I know what is coming

In the moments before impact

I remember...everything

There were times I smiled

Other times I cried

There were times I laughed

Other times I bled

There were times I loved

Other times I shattered

These were the moments I felt alive

I can feel the wind rushing over my skin

Hear the sound of my heart screaming

I have decided not to be afraid

I cannot change what is coming

I've lived my life sincerely

I'm falling from the sky

Pieces of me scatter across the earth

By: Lola O.

One Day Soon

2010-05-29T21:16:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in my chair
Looking all around me
Wondering when you'll be here
Hoping that one day soon
You will be by my side

I won't have to wait anymore
You won't be a dream to me
Now you will be flesh and blood
Someone I can touch and see

I have so many things to tell you
I want to show you my world
The life I lived up till the moment
Our worlds collided into one

One day soon, my love
You will be mine to have
I'm waiting here for you
Wishing that today will be the day

That we will finally cross paths
Two roads finally become one

Oh, my love one day soon
I'll be able to hold you close
For now I sit here by the window
Looking through the screen

Hoping that one day soon
You will be mine...

By: Lola O.

My Inspiration:

Comfort, Home, Love...

2010-05-12T22:27:00.000-07:00

The sound of my mother's laughter

Laying on my bed with my Ipod playing my favorite songs

Curling up on the couch with a book

Inspiring someone to follow their heart

Listening to the rain drizzle down my windows

Seeing a smile that lights up my insides

Hershey's chocolate before I go to bed

Bear hugs from the opposite sex

My grandmother cooking in the kitchen

Writing my thoughts in my journal

Maple brown sugar oatmeal on a cold day

Watching Glee when I get home from work

Discovering something I like/love

A shoulder to lean on from my girlfriends

Being around the people I love

Hot chocolate when I feel like it

Helping someone through a bad day

Bumping into an old friend

Coldplay, Coldplay, Coldplay

Going for a walk in the park

Sitting in the dark absorbing the silence

The warmth of a friendly face

Looking up at the big blue sky

Venting with my friends

Finding what makes me happy

Dancing to the beat of my drum

Eating soup on a rainy day

Sleeping in on Saturdays

Sitting in a cafe observing the world outside

Meeting someone who challenges/inspires me to be better

Discovering who I am everyday

By: Lola O.

Growth

2010-05-09T23:44:00.000-07:00

My beginning started under the earth

In the damp, dark, brown dirt of this world

My roots spreading beneath the surface

I began to take shape, reaching and stretching

Hoping to break through the earth and see what lies above

Slowly but surely I begin my growth as my stem breaks through the earth

My delicate bud is barely seen, but still there if you look

When the time is right and the conditions favorable

My petals stretch towards the sun, one by one

This flower finally blooms above the earth

In my own time, and in my own season

I am a flower with a rainbow of color

By: Lola O.

Unfinished Business...

2010-04-28T21:24:00.001-07:00

I sit here thinking of you
Wishing I could reach out to you
That you would pull me close
Embrace me with your warmth

There is still so much to say
So many things I want to know
Why did you leave me with silence?
Why did you throw my heart away?

I am overwhelmed with questions
Since you never gave me any answers
Did I mean that little to you?
Did I scare you away?

I still cannot believe that this is our ending
I lost my friend and the person I loved
All at once, and yes it still stings
That you could treat me this way

I gave you my whole heart
With honesty and sincerity
Now I am left with scars
That cover my heart

Even so, I still want to know
Who am I to you?
Even so, I still want to say
I love you
Even so, I still want you to kniw
I miss you

I never thought I could feel like this
That my heart could ache this way
That I could become this kind of woman
I am thankful to you for opening my heart
For warming my cold soul

I'm still tangled up in you
Wishing you would reach out to me
Stop this silence between us
Just tell me, who am I to you?

I deserve to know to truth
Afterall I was honest with you
Just tell me, who am I to you
So I can finally let you go

I still love you
But one day I won't
You tossed me aside
Like I was nothing

I deserve more
I am worthy of more
Next time, I find love
I won't hesitate to reach out
With open arms and embrace it
Unafraid and unconditionally...

Free Write: Freeze & Explode

2010-04-13T23:46:00.001-07:00

1.
There is a trembling in my soul
There is a rumbling in my mind
I feel tangled up inside

Questions come to the surface
Waiting for unknown answers
It's that feeling again
Of being unsure
Of feeling insecure
Of doubting my choice(s)

I breathe in, and then I breathe out
Trying to soothe the flames inside of me
Again, I breathe in, and I breathe out
My body shakes from side to side

I feel overwhelmed
I close my eyes
Taking myself far away
To a place I feel safe

I leave my body behind
As my spirit flys up high
This is the world of my dreams
The place created in my mind

There is only light
There is only joy
There is only me
This is my sanctuary

I find freedom here
Where no eyes can judge me
Where no words can hurt me
I'm at peace in this dreamland

A place of solitude and reflection
That leads to loneliness and hunger
An emotional hunger for another
I am starving to death

Inside this fragile body of mine
I am waiting for sustanence
Something to take the hunger away
To give warmth to this cold body of mine

2.
I ache
I cry
I hide
I die

3.
I gave away my heart
To someone for the first time
They dropped it and it shattered
Across this world there are shards
Of me scattered without regard
By someone I once loved

4.
Overwhelmed and Confused
I reach a hand out to you
Will you take me far away
From the memories in this place
I want to forget everything that happened
From this moment let it remain in our past
Let us start anew and live in this present

Can you take my hand and lead me
To a place of happiness and freedom
A world away from the one we came from
Can I trust you to protect me always
From the darkness that follows me
Like a shadow from a bad dream

Pull me closer to your side
Take me to a better place
One where there is no darkness
A place where the past cannot reach us
Where those shadows cannot harm me

I'll place my trust in you
I'll give my faith to you
So take my hand and let us leave
This place of dread and misery

5.
I sit by my window
Staring out into the world
Wondering inside my head
How long will it take
Before you reach me
How long must I wait
For you to find me
How much will I endure
Waiting for you

What are you doing
In this world alone
Without me by your side
Is your life the way you
Imagined it to be
When you still haven't met me

When will that fateful day arrive
Where we meet each other for the first time
Or have we already met each other
Even if it was only for a second
I hope it is a memory that you keep

Let us find a way to shorten the distance
Between our lives, between our paths
At the corner, let us meet and choose
A destination we both can reach

Until then, live well
Until then, be well
I sit here staring out into the world
Soon I will leave to join them
Will today be the day, that changes everything?

Butterfly Wings

2010-04-07T22:51:00.001-07:00

I have these buttefly wings holding me up

So that I can see the world from high above

These wings of mine are fragile things

No longer will I crawl upon the earth

When I can fly across the blue skies

I know my wings can be easily broken

For they are delicate and tender

Even so, I will fly for as long as I can

If one day my wings are plucked from my body

I will find peace once again upon the earth

Until then, these wings will carry me to places I have never been

I am no longer a catepillar

Nor am I trapped in a cocoon

I have transformed into a butterfly

With wings of my own...

By: Lola O.

And If I Can't Be All That I Could Be...

2010-02-01T15:02:00.001-07:00

Will you, will you wait for me

There is something about this song that stays with me long after the credits have rolled and the movie ends.

Tear My Heart Open...

2010-01-27T12:15:00.000-07:00

Life Lesson

2010-01-27T12:01:00.000-07:00

You took a leap of faith

Landed on your butt

Feeling like a total fool

That's what happens

When you open your heart

Up to a freaking tool

So don't you dare cry

Just take a deep breathe

Let go, and move on

Life is unbelievably messy

You just got to keep going

Forget about the details

So life lesson learned

You'll be wiser next time

You're stronger than you think

Don' worry about it

You tried your best

So have no regrets

By. Lola O.

Feels Like Letting Go...

2010-01-27T09:28:00.002-07:00

Writing To Reach You...

2010-01-23T11:33:00.001-07:00

I sit here wondering what I should

Say to ease your mind and let you

Know that all this time I have been

Writing to reach you

It took me this long to find

Myself and see the truth of

My heart's desire for you

Maybe I'm too late in

Calling out to you

I'm left wondering

If you have opened up

The contents of my heart

To see that all along

It has always been yours

I feel selfish telling

You all of these feelings

When I'll be leaving

For a far away place

But even then I need you

To know how I feel

So that no matter what happens

I won't have regrets

Of never telling you

How I feel inside

So now you know that

I'm in love with you

Have been for a long time

It took me this long to figure it out

Now, all I can do is wait for you

To give me your answer

To tell me what I mean to you

A friend, or something more...

Everything is in your hands

I'm sorry for surprising you

I'm sorry for taking so long to see

That all along it was you I always

Wanted next to me

Now that I know how I feel

I don't want to hide anymore

I don't want to fight my heart

All I want to do is let you know

About all these feelings inside of me

I am asking you to think about it

To see if you could see yourself

With a woman like me

If you could wait for me

Take a chance with me, and

Let us see how it all unfolds

I'm waiting for you

Waiting to know how you feel

Holding my breath as my heart races

Wishing and Hoping

Praying and Believing

In You

No matter what happens

I have no regrets

You are worthy of my heart

So, here I am again

Writing in the hopes

Of somehow reaching you

Letting you know that

I am here waiting for you

Trapped in this limbo of wonder

Please give me your answer

Then I can be set free

By: Lola O.

If There's One Thing That I Know To Be True...

2010-01-23T11:13:00.001-07:00

If tonight is your last train out of here
How you gonna run like that? How you gonna run like that?
If this one life, one love left here to share
How you gonna turn your back? How you gonna turn your back?

And I don't care if everyone knows what we're going through
'Cause all the roads lead back to you

On and on and on we pray, we can break into a brighter day
Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy
On and on and on we go, I don't understand this windy road
Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy

If there's one thing that I need to hear from you
Is how we gonna see this through, how we gonna see this through
If there's one thing that I know to be true
Is that I'm in love with you, is that I'm in love with you

And I don't care if everyone knows what we're going through
'Cause all the roads lead back to you

On and on and on we pray, we can break into a brighter day
Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy
On and on and on we go, I don't understand this windy road
Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy

And we'll keep on, keep on climbing on down this narrow line
So we can see the other side, the other side

On and on and on we pray, we can break into a brighter day
Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy
On and on and on we go, I don't understand this windy road
Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy, goes down easy
Goes down easy, goes down easy, goes down easy

I'll Be Right Beside You Dear...

2010-01-23T11:07:00.000-07:00

Purify Me...

2010-01-21T23:32:00.001-07:00

Feelings...

2010-01-19T12:56:00.000-07:00

Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most

Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside

Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you

Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time

Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don’t

Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you

When my heart won’t make a sound
When I can’t turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this

Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life

Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you

By: Brandon Heath

Feelings

2010-01-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

"Gravity"
Songwriters: Bareilles, Sara;

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need
Here on the ground

But you're neither friend nor foe
Though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know
Is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down

You're on to me, on to me and all over
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

From My Heart To Yours...

2010-01-18T17:38:00.001-07:00

I want to tell you everything. To just sit with you and tell you about my day and to hear about yours. For me it is those simple moments of being together that makes me happy. If I can feel the warmth of your skin next to mine then I am blessed beyond measure. If I can wake up every morning and be greeted by your sleeping face then my day will go well. Don't you see, this heart belongs to you, it has for a long time, and nothing will change that. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure out my heart, but now that I have lets not waste time. From my heart to yours hear the words I am saying and meet me halfway. I'm waiting for you, hoping for you, having faith in you, and crying because of you. Sadness mixed with hope as I wait for you to tell me how you feel. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't think about anything else but you. To put it simply I am miserable. I want to pick up the phone and call you so I can hear your voice. Even now, I am always writing to reach you, but I am scared my heart will get lost along the way. Today the sky is dark, as if heaven knows my sorrow and is trying to comfort me. The only comfort I want is you. The only thing in this world I want is you. It took me this long to realize that you are one of a kind, and I praying to God I am not too late. I am holding on against all hope that you will give me your heart in return for me giving you mine. I'm yours for as long as you want me to be, just please let my feelings reach you and take root in your heart. Let today be the day I know whether we have a chance for something special.

Yellow

2010-01-17T06:31:00.000-07:00

Whenever I listen to this song, it reminds me of someone special to me. I cannot sleep, so I turn on my Coldplay songs because Chris's voice has the most soothing effect. This is the first song that played, and I have played it three times already. Not many people realize that is truly a love song, and for me it is one of the most unique songs about love out there.

Enjoy,
~Lola O.~

Musically Enamored...

2010-01-16T22:43:00.000-07:00

Songs I am currently in love with...

Free Write 5

2010-01-15T19:46:00.000-07:00

1.
Wrap your arms around my body
As we dance to the rhythm of the beat
Feel the music seep into your veins
As our movements start to sync

2.
I can feel your heartbeat
Racing beneath your skin
It matches mine perfectly
Two hearts, One beat

3.
Look into my eyes and you will see
The sweet love I have for you in me

4.
Loving you was unexpected
It literally took my breath
Now I need your kiss
To give me oxygen

5.
I've been running away
From these feelings inside of me
I don't want you to see
How much you mean to me
So I put my heart under lock and ley
Hoping my secret won't be revealed

6.
I lie in my bed and stare across at nothing
The space beside me is meant for you
If only you would realize that I could be
The one for you, since you're the one for me

7.
I am here waiting for you
My heart trembles inside my chest
It is weighed down by fear
Unable to give up the hope
That there is a chance for you and me

8.
I dream of you when I sleep
I ache for you when I wake

I am taking a leap of faith
Hoping you will catch me

Lets take a chance and see
If we could be lovers for eternity

9.
I am ready for love
I am ready to love

I was such a fool
To not realize that
All along it was you

You are the answer
To my heavenly question
I asked God to bring me my friend
Who would become my love

It took me this long to see
That you were the one for me
I know that I have taken too long
But I hope you won't move on

My heart is yours for the taking
If only you would ask me for it
From the moment we met it belonged to you
I just didn't realize that the person I waited for was you

Please don't let my heart break
Please don't let my soul ache
I am yours, now and forevermore

I am ready for love
I am ready to love

You, and only you
You, and always you

Inspiration: Florence and The Machine: Bird Song Intro

Just Say Yes

2010-01-15T09:01:00.000-07:00

If there was a song that described me in this exact moment it would be this song. Every word, every line, every beat describes how I feel right now. It is a bittersweet feeling of waiting, hoping, and dreaming of possibilities.

My Heart Keeps Beating Like A Hammer

2010-01-14T20:03:00.000-07:00

There is something about this song that stirs me up...

Use Somebody

2010-01-10T13:27:00.000-07:00

I am in love with this cover of Kings of Leon's "Use Somebody"...there are a lot of covers out there but I think this one is unique and the best one I have come across. This song pretty much sums up my current emotional state.

Love Letter: The Day My Heart Changed

2010-01-09T05:40:00.002-07:00

I remember the first time I saw you; it was freshman year of college. You were sitting in front of me and I thought to myself who is he, but that thought went away. Then sophomore year came and we met again. I remembered you as the boy who sat in front of me freshman year. Little did I know you would mean so much more to me.

We had classes together, and quickly became friends. For me you were always just a friend, but if I am honest from the beginning you were slowly becoming more. I guess everyone else saw it, the possibility that was you and me. But as you say my stubborn nature always get in the way. You were never my ideal type, but I would find that you were just right.

Everyone would say there was something more than friendship between us, but I refused to believe that. I mean you were not my Tall, Dark, and Handsome guy. What a foolish fool I was to see things as so black and white. One lesson you taught me was that those things don't matter when it comes to the heart. My heart responded to your warmth and it changed me.

I cannot remember exactly when things started to change, when I started to feel this way. You know me I fought it as long as possible. Hanging on to that ideal, and maybe that is why you slipped away from me. All I can remember is that it was an ordinary day, as we walked back from class. You were walking me back to my place, and we were talking and and then you smiled at me, and it hit me.

It hit me so hard in that moment that the person I wanted was you, the person I liked was you. You smiled at me as you always did, and everything changed for me. It had been changing, but in that moment it all came crashing down and I knew you were so much more to me than a friend.

It was hard to keep my feelings in but I did, especially because I knew you had someone in your heart. Especially because I believed you wouldn't feel the same. So I held it in, I held everything in, and you still don't know how I feel about you. Its been more than two years since I realized the truth in my heart, the truth I want to tell to you one day.

Do you know? How wonderful you are, how warm and genuine your heart is, how when you smile you light up the world around you. I used to hold my breathe when I would see that smile because my heart would start racing inside of me. I wanted to always be the reason you smiled like that. I wanted to always be there to see that beautiful smile.

You changed me in so many ways, all of them for the better. You showed me that a person should be judged by their personality and character rather than their looks or in my case height:). You taught me that kindness is the most attractive feature in a person. That being genuine in everything you do is a must not an option. That life is meant to be lived well, and that people can surprise you in the most wonderful ways.

You said you miss my stubbornness, that same stubbornness is what kept me from letting you in sooner. Once I realized how I felt I wanted to let you in, completely in to my heart and my life. I wanted to stop hiding, stop fighting, and just show you that vulnerability inside of me. You are the first guy that I've felt that way about, and I wonder what exactly it means, these feelings I have for you.

I think about calling you, and sometimes I want to write it all down and mail my heart to you. If I wasn't such a coward, I would tell you how much you mean to me and how I wish we could see where things could lead. I miss you, I miss you so much my heart hurts. I can't help but think of you, and no matter how hard I try you still stay lingering in my mind.

I wonder what your reaction would be, to know this is going on inside of me. You always brought up Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome, and no matter how hard I tried to take it back you never seemed to realize I didn't want that ideal type anymore. What I wanted was real. What I wanted was you, always you.

I wish I knew if you ever felt the same way, or if it was always me alone feeling like this. I regret not showing you my heart, but even now I am too scared to open it up completely to you. I don't want to lose our friendship, just when I am starting to get it back. I don't want to make things awkward for you. Even then, I still wonder what if...what if I told you and you felt the same?

I guess I just lack the confidence to believe you could ever feel this way about me. Maybe you aren't the one for me, but right now it feels like you are the only one for me. You get me with all my moodiness and flaws. You accept me, see me, and understand me. I don't feel afraid when I am next to you. I feel like I can trust you with everything. You are the first person to make me feel that way. You and only you.

I'll be leaving soon, for a place far away from these memories of you. I wonder if I will still feel this way a year from now. I wonder if I will still think of you everyday, wishing you were here. I wonder....wonder about so many things. I want to tell you all of this, to just be honest with my feelings, but I keep wondering if I should, or if there is any point now.

Did I miss it, that chance for me and you? Is it too late? Was it never meant to be more than friendship between you and me? It has taken me a long time to be this honest with how I feel about you, how much I miss you, how important you are to me. If this is love that I feel, then it is a scary feeling.

Will I get over you? I'm not sure how long it would take, since you are so woven into my heart. I guess you are my first love...if this is love. You see I am so completely clueless I cannot even define my own feelings for you. All I know is that you are the first person that has made me feel like this, made my heart ache like this. All I know is that I miss you, that I miss us. I miss your laughter, your smile, your warmth, and being a part of your life. All I know is that my heart hurts this much because of you. That you are the first person I wanted to let completely inside my life. I wasn't afraid to let you in.

Maybe you never felt that way about me maybe I thought we were more than we really were, maybe your heart wants someone else. I have no idea how you feel about me. I keep wanting to ask you what am I to you? Here I am at 5:32 AM writing this all down. I'm tired of feeling like this. I wish I could turn off my heart switch and stop now but no matter how hard I try you are still there.

I wonder how you would react to knowing this power you have over me. You'd be surprised for sure. I mean you are the complete opposite of what I wanted, but you are exactly what I need. I feel like a better person with you. I want to be a better person with you. You calm me down. You make me happy. You make me believe. You make me ache.

M excuse is that I am leaving so there is no point in telling you how I feel. It been over two years and you still haunt me. You haunt my waking hours and my dreams. Always there in the shadows of my thoughts. Thinking about you is a bittersweet feeling. I'm happy they made me reach out to you, even if it is just to have you as my friend again. It won't be enough but it will be more than I have now.

I miss what we had, and even them I am greedy for me. I keep waiting for you, staying in this limbo of highs and lows because of you. I want to hate you for making me this weak, but also thank you for bringing out this part of me. I'm always thankful to you for brightening up my life, and changing me for the better. No matter what happens I will always be thankful to God that I have you in my life.

Knowing you makes me a better person, no matter where I am, or where you are. I will forever be thankful to you. You are a person no one ever forgets, and I am thankful I am blessed to know you.

With Love,
~Lola O.~

Lovesick

2010-01-09T04:53:00.001-07:00

Is this love?
These feelings that I have for you

I wake up with thoughts of you
Go through my day wondering about yours
Lie in my bed wishing I was next to you

Is this love?

Wanting to just talk to you
To be the reason that you smile
Wishing I mean the same to you

Is this love?

Missing you makes my heart ache
Longing to feel your arms around me
The warmth of you seeping into me

Is this love?

Waiting to hear from you
Jumping with happiness when I do
Hurting when I don't

Is this love?

You are always in my thoughts
Lingering inside my mind
Always inside my heart

If this is love then it's a scary feeling
I'm restless with this ache inside my heart
Wishing I could just say it out loud
That I am in love with you
Crazily and Achingly in love with you

Would you pull me closer?
Or just walk away from me
Would you say those five words?
I'm in love with you...
And make me yours

You are my first love
You are my only love
You are my sunshine
Brightening up my days

What am I to you?
A question I wish I had the courage to ask
With the strength to accept your answer
Regardless of whether it's a friend or much more

Is this love?

It feels like it could be
I've never been in love
Never felt this way before

I'm scared to show you my heart
Afraid of you rejecting me
Of me still aching for you

I miss you
I want you
I think I am in love with you

Gravity

2010-01-08T01:21:00.000-07:00

Whenever I listen to this song, one person comes to my mind and lingers there...

Love Letter: One-sided Like/Love

2009-12-27T13:23:00.002-07:00

I closed the blinds
Turned off the lights
Pulled back the covers

Laid against my pillow
I fell asleep thinking of you
Slipping into dreams of you

I woke up this morning
Remembering memories of us
Wondering if you ever do the same

I want to reach out and pull you close
Tell you everything I never had the courage to say
I want to be brave for once in my life
To tell you how much you meant to me

I can't leave you in the past
When you haunt my present
I always end up missing you

Wishing that I had taken that risk
And told you what I felt inside
Given you that chance to know my heart

I think I will always regret it
Not knowing if you ever felt that way
If maybe things would be different
Maybe you would be mine

I miss you constantly
Your smile, laughter, and baby blue eyes
You were like the sun, that brightened up each day

To be honest, I wondered if what I felt
For you was love, but I still don't know
Can one-sided feelings be called love?

One day, if I am brave enough
I want to tell you how you changed me
How knowing you for those few years

Made me catch a glimpse of love
And made me wish I had held on to it
That I had said to you, "I like you"...

That I had told you how special you are
How amazing it felt being your friend
How excruciating it was wanting to be
More to you than a "close friend"

Would you have turned me down?
Or pulled me into your arms?
I guess I will never know...

Sometimes I want to call you
Ask how life is treating you
Tell you everything and nothing

I always wonder what happened to make us
Drift apart just when I wanted to open my heart
You're the first person that made me believe in love

Someday I want to tell you about all these lingering feelings
And ask you if for even one moment you felt the same way
Maybe I will be brave enough to take that leap of love
And be blessed enough to have you catch me

I miss "us", but most of all I miss how it felt
Being a part of your day...a part of your life
I want you to know, how special you are

How happy I felt knowing you and being beside you
My heartbeat would race at the sight of your smile
I wanted to kiss you every time I looked into your eyes
Your the first person I ever wanted to let completely in

You made me believe that happiness was a possibility
You made me a true believer in the goodness of humanity
You made me ache and want that fairytale "happily ever after"

I wish I knew what made you let go of me
Was it something I did, is this all my fault?
Was I too late in handing over my heart?

I want to ask you why you left me behind
Why you drifted away from me
Most of all I want to ask you
Did I mean to you what you meant to me?

I don't know why it hurts so much
Even though time is passing us by
I still end up longing for you

That is how much you meant to me
You made me see people in a new light
You warmed the coldness of my heart

I just wish you knew
That I miss you
That I like you

I guess if we are meant to be
Time will bring us together
If I get a second chance
I won't be fearful this time

I will tell you everything I felt then and now
Even if you don't feel the same now or then
I will have finally let you in and give you the chance to do the same
You have always been the sun that brightened up my days

No matter what happens in the future
I will always be thankful to you
I will always remember you
I will always cherish the time I knew you

With all my heart...

~Lola O.~

Life...

2009-12-12T22:05:00.000-07:00

Has its ups and downs
Some days are good
While others are bad

It's a complicated mess
Filled with choices
Unraveling every second

Each moment we are awake
Is a blessed time to enjoy
For in the next moment it can all be over

Your life has meaning
It comes from the people
Places and things we choose

Yes, you will fall
But, you can rise again
To create better days

A breathe leads to another
A day drifts into a night
Seasons passing us by

Take it all in and seek
The purpose of your existence
Find it, Create it, Nurture it...

We are limited only by our fear
The unknown is out of reach
But we can forge our own destiny

So look up and open your eyes
See the world around you and know
You are alive, and that matters

Your life matters, you matter
Every dream is within reach
If you would only just believe

In the beauty of your dreams
In the miracle that is you
For then you will see
That life is really quite beautiful

By: Lola O.

Free Write 4

2009-12-10T22:45:00.001-07:00

I sit beside you
Feeling the tremors
Your body makes

Hoping to comfort you
I place my hand upon yours
Letting my warmth
Flow into you

I know you're hurting
Somewhere deep inside
If I could take the pain away
I would do it this second

Place your trust in me
I won't let you down
I am standing here
Waiting for you

Take your time
I'm not going anywhere
Except where you go

Leave your fears behind
Take my hand in yours
Then we'll face it together
You and me, will be a team

Don't you see...
You can't lose me
Just open your eyes
I'm here with you

Don't hold it inside
Let me share your burden
Two is better than one

If you feel weak
I will be your strength
If you feel sad
I will be your refuge

Tell me what you need
So I can make it real
Don't you know...
My heart belongs to you

You could never
Push me away
I would still come back to you

No matter what you say
I will stay beside you
Put your faith in me
I will never misuse it

I know it's hard for you
To break down the walls
Keeping you from me

But you have to be the one
To let me through the door
The key is in your hand
It's time for you to let me in

I promise you
From my heart
To your soul

I'll always be here
I'll always support you
I'll never let you down
I'll never hurt you

You mean everything to me
So stop shutting me out
I'm aching to come in

I don't care if your world is different
I'm willing to be a part of it
If you will let me
If you will accept me

I look at you
Hoping to be of help
Wishing you would smile
Praying you won't cry

All the burdens of your past
Will not be part of our future
Ahead are better days

You don't have to worry anymore
I am walking alongside you
No matter what happens

I am here, I am here, I am here
So let your mind be at peace
No more sadness, only happiness

I will give you everything
You never got to have
I will give you everything
You never got to feel

Take my hand
Hold it tight
Please believe
I will never let it go

Our fingers intertwined
Is the way we'll live our life
One day at a time
Side by side...

By: Lola O.
Inspiration Song: M83 "Too Late"

Blossom

2009-12-10T22:24:00.001-07:00

Floating on the wings of butterflies
High up in the sky

The Sun shining down upon me,
Its beautiful light warming my body

The Wind caresses my skin
Bringing comfort to me

I begin to blossom in the sky
Blue petals twirl inside of me

Falling down on the ground
Leaving traces of my existence

Planting my roots in the earth
Paving the way for you

Blue petals catch your eye
Follow them, for they will lead you straight to me

By: Lola O.

There's A Song Inside Of Me

2009-12-02T18:28:00.001-07:00

There's a song inside of me
Waiting to be set free
It races through my veins
In perfect harmony

There's a song inside of me
A melody of the soul
Playing so loudly
Hoping you're listening

There's a song inside of me
Lyrics from my life journey
Written as memories in my heart
Can you feel the rhythm?

There's a song inside of me
Overflowing with need
The music pounds in my head
Praying for its release

There's a song inside of me
I can feel it in my bones
In the beat of my heart
Pouring out of my soul

There's a song inside of me
There's a song inside of me
There's a song inside of me
Open me up and see....

Lola O.

Collection: Quotes I Enjoy...

2009-11-30T11:28:00.005-07:00

Will be updated over time. Feel free to share your favorite quotes too!!

Ralph Waldo Emerson:

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.

Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.

To be great is to be misunderstood.

What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.

Eleanor Roosevelt:

Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.

Understanding is a two-way street.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.

People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Henry David Thoreau:

It is what a man thinks of himself that really determines his fate.

As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.

This world is but a canvas to our imagination.

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.

Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.

It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.

Dreams are the touchstones of our character.

We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success.

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

I had three chairs in my house; one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.

Invictus

2009-11-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

By: William Ernest Henley

I've read this poem before, but it didn't really hit me until I watched the Invictus movie trailer. Which by the way you should check out, very well done and inspiring. There is just something about this poem that sticks to me like glue. There is a sense of courage and perseverance in the face adversity and suffering within these blended words. I wanted to share it will all of you, and hope that it inspires you as well.

Thankful

2009-11-26T14:20:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful for...

Good friends and family
The existence of music
Opportunities to grow
My earth angels
All the necessities
Laughter and smiles
Memories to keep me warm
Asian dramas, music, food, and culture
God's mercy and blessings
My perseverance and determination
Being alive, healthy, and able
All of you:)

If...

2009-11-25T23:03:00.001-07:00

If I reach for you

Will you let me in?

If I give you my heart

Will you open up yours?

If I walk away

Will you follow me?

If I tell you the truth

Will you be glad?

If I ask you for help

Will you come to my rescue?

If I tell you I love you

Will you be happy?

If I start to cry

Will you lend me your warmth?

If I lie here

Will you stay beside me?

If I stop running

Will you catch up to me?

If I close my eyes

Will you be my dream?

If I take your hand

Will you hold onto me?

If I wait here

Will you find me?

If I die today

Will you shed a tear?

By: Lola O.

Chasing Cars

2009-11-25T19:37:00.000-07:00

So if you haven't noticed music is an enormous part of my life. I don't know how to explain it other than when I write, I'm searching for the magic words to get my point across, but when I listen to music it's like finding those magic words that comfort, inspire, challenge, understand, change, and create me. Music is a constant love in my life, and I would literally die without it. I hope one day I will create lyrics/songs that have the magic words to do all those things for someone else.

There is nothing like the feeling when you are listening to a song and you just know deep down in your soul that you are connected to this song, this beautiful piece of music. For me this song is one that speaks to my musically enamored soul.

When I listen to this song for me it is about two people who want to escape everything around them and just exist in a place just for them. It's about being tired of pretending not to feel something when you really just want to let go and let them in. Where you can just be together without any worries or sadness. They are free to love and seek their happiness. It's about longing for someone to walk this earth beside you, and it's about promises. That's the great thing about music; it touches us in different ways. This song might mean something completely different to you, or it might not mean anything at all.

I'm thankful for music, and that I can spend my time immersed in it.

Love Letter: Waiting

2009-11-21T16:46:00.003-07:00

I've spent my whole life waiting to meet you
My heart feels incomplete without your own
All I've wanted is to walk this life beside you

For now I spend my time praying for this love
Hoping that one day we will find each other
In that moment when our eyes meet, I'll know

That you are the person I have waited for
That your embrace is the one I longed to have
That your warmth while take away the coldness of my life

I'll know that it was all worth it
The agony of waiting has come to an end
I am so glad that I found my way to you

You're my best friend...my everything
I've cried myself to sleep waiting to meet you
Now, every night I fall asleep next to you

I hope you know that I love you
There is no one like you in this world
For that, I am grateful to know you

I am blessed to be loved by you
Thank you lover, Thank you friend
I no longer spend my days waiting...

By: Lola O.

Inspired ^___^

2009-11-19T09:01:00.002-07:00

I woke up this morning
With peace in my heart
Knowing that everything
Is going to be alright
Everything makes sense
This is my second chance
At living my life

I must follow my path
Even if I walk alone
This is my time to fall
Then pick myself up again
I don't have all the answers
And that is more than fine
I just have to give it a try

Finding out what I like
Creating my future
One day and one step at a time
Feeling alive as I go my own way
Remembering that even in bad times
My life is worth something more
Than what it is currently

With laughter, warmth, and smiles
Happiness will surely be mine
As long as I keep moving forward
Never giving in or giving up
Even in the trenches of failure
I will find a way to succeed
A way to always stay true
To me and only me

By: Lola O.

Today I will inspired to be true to my heart and my dreams. To stand up for myself in the midst of my enemies and know that at the end of the day I will be proud of me. I will life my life the way I have imagined it to be. I will be the painter of my life, letting my brushstrokes create a portrait of my life. The way I have dreamed it to be...

Uncommon

2009-11-18T19:42:00.000-07:00

What if there's something bigger for me out there
Than the comfort of a life on this middle ground
I've played it safe but now I can't help but wonder
If maybe I've been missing out

'Cause I look around and see a sea of people
Everybody's moving in the same direction
And I think it's time for me to break away, break away

Chorus

I want to finally take the road less traveled
I want to run away from anything typical
I want the world to see the life I'm living
And call it uncommon

What if the right thing was harder than the wrong thing
But I did it anyway
Standing strong even when no one else was watching
What if I really lived that way

Every heart has its defining moment
This is mine and I'm not gonna miss it

I want to finally take the road less traveled
I want to run away from anything typical
I want the world to see the life I'm living
And call it uncommon

I don't care if it makes me look different
I'm never letting go of my conviction
Let the world see the life I'm living
And call it uncommon

I'm done with the easy way out
I'm done with the easy way out
Done with the easy way out
With the easy way out

What if I made it to the end of my days here
Only to find that my legacy was nowhere to be found
I don't want to waste another second
Give me the strength to start right now
Right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now

I take the road less traveled
I want to run away from anything typical
I want the world to see the life I'm living
And call it uncommon

I don't care if it makes me look different
I'm never letting go of my conviction
Let the world see the life I'm living
And call it uncommon

Uncommon
Call it uncommon
I'm done with the easy way out

I hope this song touches your heart/mind/life the way it did mine. I hope it gives you inspiration to live your life the way you imagine it to be even if it makes you different. I hope it gives you peace if you are worried about pursuing something, or taking that risk. I hope it helps, there is power in this song.

Dream

2009-11-13T10:42:00.000-07:00

This song really describes how I am feeling these days...

Hazy

2009-11-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

Fractured

2009-11-12T19:58:00.000-07:00

I want to cry but the tears won't come
The Anger has left my body withered
All that is left a shattered pieces of my soul

I'm tired and fragile
I'm hopeless and sad
I'm empty and broken

My eyes pool with tears
A single drop slides down my cheek
The last tear I will shed for now

I'm hurt and confused
I'm aching and cold
I'm fractured and lost

I can't keep living a lie
Pretending everything is okay
When inside I am suffocating

I'm miserable and scarred
I'm searching and lonely
I'm trapped and shivering

Why doesn't anyone see me?
Why won't someone help me?
How much longer will it hurt?
How much more will I endure?

Before I give up fighting
Before I give up hoping
Before I give up breathing

Anger Becomes Me

2009-11-12T19:14:00.000-07:00

The blood is rushing through my veins

My temperature is exploding in my body

My heart races in the midst of Chaos

I'm lying here as the Anger consumes me

Shaking from the shivers in my soul

I feel it in my bones, the Rage

Everything is falling out of place

I've lost control and all I can do is scream

For the remnants of me have disappeared

All that is left is my Anger, Rage, and Destruction

Everything I loved is blurred with Hate

A collage of misery reflects back on me

My head is fractured with images of Chaos

I can't stop it, I don't want to stop it

A river of emotions floods my mind

Liberated by thoughts of release

Of Hate, Anger, Rage, Destruction, Chaos

My Anger becomes me and I welcome her

Finally I am free from my bindings

From this world and its Sadness

The broken souls of humanity

I am Anger

I am Hate

I am Rage

I am Destruction

I am Chaos

By: Lola O.

Lovers

2009-11-11T20:20:00.001-07:00

I've spent my whole life waiting
For the day we meet
When our paths cross
And we become one

I've spent my night dreaming
Of meeting you, knowing you, and loving you
You're my lover and best friend
The man I waited everyday for

Knowing that you'd find me
Changing my life with your smile
Making me believe in love again
Creating a future together

I spent my days praying
That God would send you to me
Wishing that today would be the day
Where you touch my heart and make me yours

I spent my time believing
We'd find each other and be lovers
Your my heavenly peace on earth
I breathe you in and fill my lungs

With the warmth of your love
I feel you breaking my barriers
Healing the hurt inside my heart
Thank you lover, Thank you friend...

By: Lola O.

Fallen

2009-11-11T20:05:00.002-07:00

The wind caresses my skin
As I stand at the edge of this cliff
Not knowing if I will fall or fly
I can hear the water churning below
As the sun fades into the shadows
Here I am alone and lost

Waiting for the moment of choice
Desperation follows my every step
My journey no longer has a destination
Here I stand in the midst of a crossroad
Unable to move forward with confidence
I am one of the Fallen, weak and lost

I take a step and feel the pebbles fall
From here the water looks refreshing
The sky shining in endless beauty
My mask fades away and I cry
For the painful memories of sorrow
The silence penetrates my soul
I take my last step and leave this earth
Not knowing if I will fall or fly
Wishing that either way I find peace

~~Acoustic Imagery~~

I Wish I...

2009-11-11T18:40:00.001-07:00

I wish I was Braver
I wish I was Stronger
I wish I was Happier
I wish I was Smarter
I wish I was Prettier

I wish I didn't Cry
I wish I didn't Ache
I wish I didn't Care
I wish I didn't Hurt
I wish I didn't Fear

I wish I could Leave
I wish I could Soar
I wish I could Fight
I wish I could Love
I wish I could Believe

I wish I would Smile
I wish I would Laugh
I wish I would Dream
I wish I would Live
I wish I would Fly

I wish I was Free
I wish I didn't Worry
I wish I could Feel

I wish I would just Be...

By: Lola O.

Free Write 3

2009-11-11T18:24:00.001-07:00

I smile in the midst of my tears
Laughing to hide my fears
Praying to find my peace
Hoping for my better days
Trying to find my way
Dreaming of my future
Wishing for my happiness
Crying from my broken heart
Hoping for my better days...

By: Lola O.

Broken

2009-11-11T18:14:00.001-07:00

I sit here on the brink of tears

Wallowing in my misery of the present

Nothing fills the emptiness inside of me

Penetrating every part of my existence

I feel tired trying to be strong

Each day I am crying out to deaf ears

Hoping today will be the day of change

Wishing to feel even a taste of being alive

I sit here on the brink of screams

Struggling with the chaos raging inside of me

My mask cracks a little more but no one sees

As usual my suffering is invisible to everyone

I am hollow and broken, exhausted and withered

A fragmented soul trapped in this human body

Sacrificing my happiness for my loved ones

Waiting to be freed from the chaos called home

By: Lola O.

Free Write 2

2009-11-11T17:09:00.001-07:00

I stare at the reflection
As tears drip down her cheeks
Once she was full of life
Now there is only emptiness
She is among the fallen
Broken down by sadness
Unable to find beauty in life

I reach towards her
Hoping to pull her out
My fingertips touch her cheek
She is warm but faded
I lay my hand in hers
Offering the warmth of a touch
She smiles through cracked lips

I whisper hollow reassurances
Her eyes flicker with hidden sorrows
I place my arms around her
Our heartbeats finding each other
She tenses and then slowly breaks down
Shaking from her emotional overload
She clings to the shelter of my body

We have found comfort in each other
I can feel her sorrow as my own
She wrapped herself around me
Whispering softly in my ears
Her warm breath makes me shiver
I see my reflection in her eyes
She is the mirror into my soul

By: Lola O.

Pressure Suit Lyrics

2009-11-11T15:23:00.000-07:00

For me, a memorable song has to have lyrics that grasp at my heart. A song that relates to some part of you and your life. Whether in your past, present, or future, it stirs something inside of you, and it keeps stirring. This song does that for me. When I listen to this song, I feel like it is a unique kind of love song. It is not your typical I love you stuff, but if you listen to the song and hear they lyrics I think you will want your own Pressure Suit kind of person...we all deserve that.

Well two spinning spheres,
Two spinning spheres in a bed of stars
Silence is super
Staring into space, I wonder where you are

You're all that I've ever needed
I know that you won't feel it

Drift out into darkness
Lost out on horizon
It's alright
It's alright
I'll be your respirator
I'll be your pressure suit
It's alright
It's alright

Violently clear the upper atmosphere
Raging out your heart
Somewhere far beneath
Your pointed tongue and teeth
Is where you really are

Don't want to be forgiven
But drag you down from where you are

Drift out in the darkness
Lost out on horizon
It's alright
It's alright
I'll be your respirator
I'll be your parachute
It's alright
It's alright

Oooohhhh oh
Mmmm, ohhhh oh

I'll be your respirator
I'll be your pressure suit
It's alright, It's alright

I will not let you go...ohh

Two spinning spheres, they spin together
I'm gon' spin alone
I don't know how I can do this
I don't know how to get through
It's alright, It's alright
I can't stop loving you [10x]

It's alright, It's alright

I'll be your respirator
I'll be your pressure suit
It's alright, It's alright
I'll be your four leaf clover
I'll be your pressure suit
I'll be your angel wings
I'll be your parachute
I'll be your running reason
I'll be your only reason
Ohhhh, ohhhhhh
I can't stop loving you [4x]
It's alright, It's alright

I'll be your respirator
I'll be your pressure suit

Song:

If...

2009-11-08T23:27:00.000-07:00

If sadness is a disease
Is happiness the cure?

If wounds can be healed
Why are we left with scars?

If family is everything
Why are there so many broken homes?

If love makes us happy
Why are people crying?

If happiness is a emotion
Why doesn't anybody feel it?

If peace is our true desire
Why do we create wars?

By: Lola O.

Used To...

2009-11-08T23:23:00.000-07:00

We used to be a pair
But now we've drifted apart
Only memories of better times
Are left in the crevices of my heart

We used to be friends
But now we don't talk
Is distance the problem
Or was it your solution

We used to be more
But now we are nothing
Our shared past turned to ashes
Blown away by the morning winds

By: Lola O.

Night

2009-11-08T22:46:00.000-07:00

I stay awake
Afraid to close my eyes
For the shadows will claim me

I stay awake
Fighting my tiredness
Wishing to feel alive

I fall asleep
The fatigue won again
Sinking into the darkness

I fall asleep
Unable to surface
Trapped in the shadows

I dream of sorrow
Tears drench my cheeks
The nightmares paralyze me

I dream of sorrow
Shaking from the chills
I lay here aching

I wish for strength
A shield of protection
To light my path

I wish for strength
To vanquish my weakness
Bringing me to the surface

By: Lola O.

Fly

2009-11-08T19:29:00.000-07:00

I'm going to fly like a bird
Soaring through the skies

I'm going to fly like a bird
To higher and higher heights

I'm going to fly like a bird
My wings the color of fire

I'm going to fly like a bird
The clouds will shelter me

I'm going fly like a bird
For all of you to see

By: Lola O.

Lord...

2009-11-08T17:56:00.000-07:00

Lord can you hear me?
I'm crying out for you

Desperately searching my soul
For a glimpse of your warmth

I am broken and hurt
Waiting for you to restore me

Lord can you see me?
I'm walking towards you

Grasping for your wisdom
Wishing to be close to you

I am weak and scared
Hoping for your comfort

Lord can you feel me?
My heart is aching

I shiver in the darkness
Praying for a miracle

To cast away the shadows
And bring me to heaven

Lord do you know me?
I am your struggling child
I am your faithful servant

I walk beside you
I listen to your voice
Finding comfort in its softness

Lord do you love me?
I am seeking your protection
I am needing your comfort
I am wishing for your blessings

Lord do you want me?
I want to hold your hand
Walking beside you
Knowing I am safe
By your side

Lord I hear you
Lord I see you
Lord I feel you
Lord I know you
Lord I love you
Lord I want you

In my soul
In my mind
In my heart
In my life

Always yours
My heavenly father

By: Lola O.

Free Write 1

2009-11-03T00:34:00.002-07:00

1)
You smiled at me and changed everything
That day my heart started racing towards you
And I knew I'd been waiting my whole life
Just to meet you, know you, but most of all to love you

2)
Pick me up and sway with me
Let the music fill you up
As we soar across the crowds
Dancing to our special song
The one that begins with you and ends with me

3)
Why did you have to go and leave
Never to return to me
I loved you with my whole heart
But now it no longer beats

You promised me forever
Then you left me behind
If only I could go back in time
I would save you from dying

I loved you till death made us part
But even now you possess my heart
It was 1 O'clock on June 11th
That you soared up into the heavens

I lie here broken and flooded by memories
Wishing I could hold you in an alternate reality
One where you're alive and here with me
Instead your dead and I'm always lonely

Why did you have to act so brave
I cry sitting beside your grave
You were my everything
Now I have nothing

I loved you till death made us part
But even now you possess my heart
It was 1 O'clock on June 11th

That you soared up into the heavens

Against the Grain

2009-10-30T11:53:00.000-07:00

If you have not heard of City and Colour aka Dallas Green you are really missing out. This is my favorite song by him, and it just gives me comfort in the hours of doubt. I love his music, so check him out. The lyrics are wonderful.

You need not to climb mountaintops,
You need not to cross the sea,
You need not to find a cure for everything that makes you weak.
You need not to reach for the stars when life becomes so dark,
And when the wind does blow against the grain,
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart.

When all your friends have come and gone,
And the sun no longer shines,
And the happiness for which you long is washed away like an ocean's tide,
When all the hard times outweigh the good,
And all your words are misunderstood,
When the day seems lost from the start
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart.

If you feel you've paid the price,
And your wounds should cease to heal
And everything you love in life spins like a winding wheel.
If you should wake to find you're abandoned,
And the road you've traveled leads to a dead-end
When death creeps in to play it's part,
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart.

Love Letter: Stay or Go

2009-10-28T16:01:00.000-07:00

I remember the first time we met
It was a day of hellos and goodbyes
You smiled at me and everything changed
That day is a living memory in my heart
We've had our moments from then on
But fate always seemed to separate us
So now that we finally have our chance
You want to push me away
I know that your scared and confused
But we can get through it

You see I don't know what the future holds
I don't know what tomorrow or the next day will bring
I just know that I love you, that I have loved you for years
Everything else can be figured out as long as we're together
Remember, I love you and I know you love me
Lets not wait another moment to start our lives together
We've spent so much time on figuring things out
So I'm asking you if you love me then lets take this chance
I want to spend the rest of my life by your side
But that all depends on your answer...

Tell me, should I stay or should I go?

Yours,

By: Lola O.

Untitled 5

2009-10-27T22:16:00.000-07:00

Sweep me off my feet and let them never touch the ground again
Fly me up to the sky and let us live among the clouds for eternity
Take me close to the sun, and let me bathe in its warmth
Hold me close to your skin so I can always hear your heart beating against my ear
Kiss me tenderly, as if each taste is a memory
Love every inch of me from my head to my feet, and let me feel cherished
Lie next to me, wrap your arms around me, and let me absorb your strength
Touch my forehead with your lips and let me feel your adoration
Look me in the eye and let me see myself reflected in your love
Give me your shoulder to be my pillow, and let me lean on you forever
Hold my hand as if your life depends on it, never let go of it or my heart
Take me as I am and cherish me for this lifetime and let us meet heaven together when it is time
Let the music be our guide to our heart’s melody
Take me in your arms and shield me from the world’s darkness
Let your light be my armor and your love my protection for always
Lets walk this earth together and see what it has to offer
Take your hand to my chest and feel my heart racing in your presence
Sit next to me and tell me stories, dreams, desires, fears, anything you want to tell me I will listen
In this world let us meet and never separate in each lifetime we are granted
Your are my earth, moon, sun, and the stars around me
You are my universe and I bask in your vastness.

By: Lola O. (4/10/08)

Free Write Song

2009-10-26T20:34:00.000-07:00

Looking in your eyes
I see my future
A place of wonder and happiness
Something this world has never had

Looking in your eyes
I feel our love wash over me
Cleansing my past sorrows
I know that everything will be better
As long as we walk side by side

Looking in your eyes
I find the peace I have longed for
It feels like coming home when you smile
You are mine and I am yours forever more

Looking in your eyes
There is hope and laughter
I find meaning to this existence
You are my salvation from the darkness
Being in your arms brings me comfort

Looking in your eyes
A reflection of my love staring back
Looking in your eyes
I have found my happy place

Looking in your eyes
Looking in your eyes
Looking in your eyes
Forever looking in your eyes

By: Lola O.

Endless Possibilties

2009-10-25T18:24:00.000-07:00

The Darkness soothes my mind
As the shadows flicker about
Everyone is busy dreaming
While I lay wide awake

Contemplating endless possibilities
As the present gives way to the future
Lost in a sea of overwhelming choices
Not knowing which one to make

I look up at the infinite star filled sky
Wondering if I will ever find my purpose
Or will I wander this earth forever lost
The Night embraces my uncertainty

There is no revelation to be found
Tonight or any night it seems
I lay down on the cold ground
Gazing up at a the vastness of this world

Feeling so achingly insignificant
Realizing the loneliness of my life
I live in a world of endless possibilities
None of which have been revealed to me

By: Lola O.

Between Lovers

2009-10-25T18:06:00.000-07:00

When I gaze into your blue eyes
I feel like I am going to burst into flames
All I can think of is being close to you
Of wanting to be held in your arms

My heart is racing inside me
A symphony of my desire
I close the distance between us
Enjoying the taste of your lips

I sink into your warm arms
Our bodies intertwined
As we kiss, and kiss...and kiss

Your heart is racing as fast as mine
Nothing compares to this natural feeling
Of being completely one with you
Sharing a passion only between lovers

By: Lola O.

Love Letter: Always Yours

2009-10-24T16:45:00.000-07:00

Distance separates our bodies
But my heart is always with you
The waiting isn't as painful
As the not knowing if I will see you again

The day we met, everything changed for me
One simple moment altered my entire existence
I knew that I would always be yours
That is why my heart aches each time you leave

Everyday I am forever missing you
I'm miles from where you are
Wishing you weren't so far
But I will never regret loving you

Being with you is my heaven on earth
Though our time is always brief
That makes each moment more precious
Loving you is as natural as breathing

I know we will always find each other
No matter the distance between us
You and I are connected forever
By our love...a one of a kind love

Thank you for coming into my world
Thank you for always loving me
You are the best part of my life
Know that I will always be yours

By: Lola O.
Inspired by: The Dear John trailer

I Tremble...I Stumble

2009-10-24T15:57:00.000-07:00

Lying here in the dark
I dream of my future
A cloudy vision engulfs me
The uncertain road ahead

My foundation has crumbled
I tremble in fear of the unknown
Nothing feels real anymore
I have lost myself bit by bit

Where do I go?
What do I do?
Who am I?
Always, I don't know...

The present is a blur
Each day flows into the next
The monotonous existence
Of my shattered dreams

I stumble
I tremble
By not knowing

By: Lola O.

Longing

2009-10-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

Here I wait for you
My heart aching
My eyes searching
Where are you?

I lay in bed
Thinking of you
Wishing we meet soon
How much longer?

I sit here alone
Shivering in the cold
Lonely and weak
Do you even exist?

I am racing towards you
Each day bringing me closer
To the day we connect
Will you always love me?

I want to belong to you
To feel your warmth seep into me
Knowing I have found my soulmate
Are you waiting for me?

This longing consumes me
I dream of being with you
Loving you each day
Do you long for me?

I wonder about your life
What your world is like
How will we find each other
Can we truly last?

I want to know your comfort
The beauty of embracing you
Our heartbeats in sync
Having you beside me
I am longing to find you
When will we finally love?

Always & Forever

2009-10-22T20:09:00.000-07:00

With my eyes closed...I am

Running towards you

Longing for your embrace

Wishing for the touch of our lips

The feeling of comfort

Intertwined with desire

Looking into your eyes

My love a reflection of yours

Whispers of promises

Of moments of passion

Surrounded by warmth

Lying here next to you

Tender kisses deepen

As our breathes mingle

Hearts beating faster

Our souls become one

I belong to you

You belong to me

Loving each other

Always and Forever

By: Lola O.
Written while listening to Snow Patrol's "Set The Fire To The Third Bar"

Untitled 4

2009-10-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

I stand at the edge of this cliff

Wondering if I will fly or fall

Either way I will find release from my captivity

Trapped and bound by chains of sorrow

How I long for the wind to be my lover

For the earth to be my shelter

I close my eyes to shut out the chaos

My mind wanders into a dream of liberation

I smile as the tears slide down my cheeks

I taste misery on my lips

The flavor of sadness is familiar

I bury my face in the softness of pillows

The ache in my throat makes me shudder

I take a step closer towards the edge

I can feel the soil caress my feet

The turbulent water churns below

The blue sky overshadowed by clouds

I am paralyzed by roots of fear

Tangled in shadows of darkness

I am gasping for breathe

Perspiration envelops my skin

One more step till I fly or fall

My haunted eyes flutter open

To a reflection of clarity

There is no turning back

I take my final step towards release

By: Lola O.

Thoughts on September 23rd

2009-09-30T23:20:00.001-07:00

They call themselves your friends

They say that they know you

They say that they care about you

However, you always wonder if it’s true

When you need them the most are they there for you?

Do they know when you are hurting?

Even though no words are spoken

You are surrounded by people, yet you feel alone

You feel misunderstood

They call themselves your friends

But they don’t see your sadness

They say that they know you

However, they don’t understand your tears

They say that they care about you

But they don’t comfort you when you need it

What does it mean to be someone’s friend?

Doesn’t it mean standing by their side through the good and bad?

Doesn’t it mean giving them a shoulder to lean on when their sad?

Doesn’t it mean listening to them whine and complain?

Doesn’t it mean handing them a tissue when the tears just won’t stop?

Doesn’t it mean seeing the things they don’t necessarily say?

Doesn’t it mean being there wholeheartedly and unconditionally?

To be someone’s true friend is worth more than life itself

I sit here feeling sad, mad, hurt, and very alone.

I’m waiting for someone to look past the surface

To what’s inside of me

I want to feel accepted

I want to be able to express my thoughts

I want someone to know me

I want someone to care about me

I want someone to understand me

Most of all I want someone to love me unconditionally

Again, I ask you… What does it mean to be someone’s friend?

By: Lola O.

The Girl In The Mirror

2009-09-30T23:12:00.001-07:00

I'm spinning around and around

Every time I stop, I am faced with the truth

The mask begins to crumble

Until all that is left is my reflection

There is a girl staring back at me with anguished eyes

She is crying out for me to love her

I feel tears brushing my cheeks

I am her, and she is me

We are one in the same

I look away from the mirror

Desperate to deny the reality of her existence

How can she be me?

Why is she in such agony?

I move my face closer, it is almost touching hers

She pleas for me to save her

I ask her how....

She touches her face and wipes away the tears

I feel the warmth of her fingers against my cheek

She whispers softly, "Love yourself, and we will both be saved."

By: Lola O.

Silhouette of Sorrow

2009-09-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

I can not feel the Firmness of the ground beneath my feet

I drift over the Earth unable to find my gravity

People pass by me each day and still no one sees the Emptiness of my life

You look right at me and then past me as if I were Invisible

My mask is wearing thin and the Facade is beginning to crack

Won't you try to understand the Depth of my soul?

I am drifting through this world in unwanted Solitude

I too crave the warmth of the Sun

Won't you save me from the Coldness lying inside me?

My tears are flowing inside my heart into a pool of Misery

Do I need to open up my chest for you to see the Anguish lying within?

I an trapped by the Darkness wrapped around my soul

I am bound to this self-inflicted cage unable to soar free

The Light I desperately seek cast a silhouette of my Sorrow

By:Lola O.
Currently Listening to: Love, Love, Love by As Tall As Lions

Phenomenal Woman

2009-09-30T22:58:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite poems ever:

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

From My Heart To Yours

2009-09-30T22:49:00.000-07:00

First off let me say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, AND THANK YOU for coming into my life, my world, and changing me/it for the better.

In my head I thought I knew about the/my "ideal" guy. I was so enamored with those tall, dark, and handsome types that I never would have thought you'd catch my eye or my heart. I cannot tell you the exact moment my feelings began to change. I cannot tell you the day, week, month that I began to see you as more than my friend. All I can say is that one ordinary day when you smiled at me, it became an extra-ordinary moment for me. Maybe these feelings were always lingering inside of me and I just suppressed them. I know for a long time I tried to deny what everyone else seemed to already know.

That I like(d) you, It cannot be love, but it is greater than any silly infatuation. Lets just call this a strong like. You see it is not that I fell for you looks, because you happen to be blonde, blue eyed, and not even 6ft tall. Nope, I fell for your kindness. I never realized just how amazing kindness can be. I fell for your sincerity, your generosity, and most of all I fell for your personality. You make me believe in the greatness of human beings. Whenever I see you I feel happier, lighter, and all I want to do is to be the earth that you orbit. I told you once that your like the sun to me, and you brighten up my life. There is nothing more true than that statement.

Even if I never tell you how I feel, even if we stay just friend or drift apart. I will remember you as the person that made me realize what love could be like. What really matters in a person, because you are handsome, but your inside beauty far outweighs your outside one. I don't know when/if my heart will stop feeling this way towards you, because sometimes it hurts not being more than your good friend. There is so much I want to share with you. I want to be close to you, like a second skin. I want to laugh with you, sit with you, anything and anywhere I want it to be you. I know your not perfect, but your imperfections make you real. Your not a prince, but you could be mine.

I am not going to try and fight my heart, I am not going to try and deny how I feel for you, I'll just go with the flow and enjoy being in your presence. You opened my heart, and my eyes to the possibilities. You are someone I will always remember, no matter where life takes me or you. I wish that I could just say all of this to you in person, but I am pretty sure your heart doesn't feel the same way. You'd never guess that you had this affect on me. Since you know your not my "ideal type" but I would give up all of that just to be the one you hold in your arms. I don't need types I just need/want you.

If we don't end up together, that doesn't matter, I know that I will continue to remember what you taught me, even though you have no clue that I learned something from you. A person is beautiful because of the kindness they bring to others. You are a truly beautiful person, and I feel inspired by you. You deserve every happiness, every love, every triumph. I never thought I would meet someone so genuine, thank you for being in my life.

I am grateful that the heavens brought us together, and I am grateful that you never ask me to be what I am not. When you look at me, I see myself reflected in your eyes, shining so brightly in those baby blues. You are a treasure to this world, my world, and I will always remember you in my heart and memories.

I can say now that I am glad that I met you, like(d) you, and learned from you. My heart is indebted to yours. Thank you for showing me that there are people in this world worth loving/liking/wanting.

Untitled 3

2009-09-30T20:01:00.000-07:00

Sweep me off my feet and let them never touch the ground again

Fly me up to the sky and let us live among the clouds for eternity

Take me close to the sun, and let me bathe in its warmth

Hold me close to your skin so I can always hear your heart beating against my ear

Kiss me tenderly, as if each taste is a memory

Love every inch of me from my head to my feet, and let me feel cherished

Lie next to me, wrap your arms around me, and let me absorb your strength

Touch my forehead with your lips and let me feel your adoration

Look me in the eye and let me see myself reflected in your love

Give me your shoulder to be my pillow, and let me lean on you forever

Hold my hand as if your life depends on it, never let go of it or my heart

Take me as I am and cherish me for this lifetime and let us meet heaven together when it is time

Let the music be our guide to our heart’s melody

Take me in your arms and shield me from the world’s darkness

Let your light be my armor and your love my protection for always

Lets walk this earth together and see what it has to offer

Take your hand to my chest and feel my heart racing in your presence

Sit next to me and tell me stories, dreams, desires, fears, anything you want to tell me I will listen

In this world let us meet and never separate in each lifetime we are granted

Your are my earth, moon, sun, and the stars around me

You are my universe and I bask in your vastness

By: Lola O. 4/10/08

Angel Dust

2009-09-29T21:13:00.001-07:00

Untitled 2

2009-09-29T21:06:00.000-07:00

I never believed in love at first sight

That I could experience that electric feeling

Of bittersweet hunger and need

Then our eyes connected

My pulse raced under my skin

Like a secret kiss between lovers

You stood there unmoving

As my whole world crumbled in your presence

The earth shook but no one else noticed

I headed towards you as if pulled by some invisible force

My heart was speeding up to a climax

You smiled and walked towards me

My breathe was coming in short bursts

I was being engulfed in flames of love

Then you looked past and a chill came over me

I shivered in the disconnect

Had it been my imagination?

You walked right by me as if I was invisible

I willed myself not to turn around

But my resistance was futile

I accepted my death

He stood there with his arms around another

I never believed in heartache until I saw you

My heart lies in the ashes of my soul

By Lola O. 9/29/09

Remember To…

2009-09-29T20:25:00.001-07:00

Believe in the beauty of my dreams

Take it one day at a time, one step at time

Use the negatives to develop

Speak positively about my dreams

Keep fighting for what I want

Be good to those who love me

Trust in myself and my abilities

Give my burdens to God

Keep my sense of humor

Challenge myself to take risks

Breathe in and out

Embrace the music

Give more than I take

Seek help when I need it

Be thankful for what I have

Make mistakes and learn from them

Delight in the sunshine and blue sky

Understand that life is a rollercoaster…so enjoy the ride

Remember that everything happens for a reason

Be who I am and not who they want me to be!!!!

Love, Smile, Laugh, Dream, Live
By: Lola O.

My Poetry Collection

2009-09-29T20:15:00.000-07:00

4-21-08: "Untitled"

This heart that beats inside of me is waiting for your touch

A glimpse of you would ease the ache existing in my soul

Mi amour, where are you?

Why is your path not crossing my own?

Don't you see that I am the one to walk this earth with you

I am the complement to your heart, the guardian of your soul

When my eyes close I dream of only you

Your face is hidden from me

But your warmth is overwhelming my senses

Have you lost your way on your journey to me

Don't you hear my soul calling out to yours

I am guiding you towards me

Come quickly, for I cannot wait much longer

It feels like centuries are passing by

Each moment that I am without you

We are two fates entangled in one destiny

I look up at the sky and wish for you to be by my side

When we meet, let us never part again

For we shall be forever and always a pair

4-23-08: The melody of the sun

The waves crash around me

Leaving me submerged underneath

I am breathless and unable to surface

The dark water hides my soul

The chains keep pulling me further and further into that dark abyss

I am sinking from the weight of these burdens

Suddenly, I hear the melody of the sun

It starts playing softly in my ear, and as it gets louder

I begin to rise

I begin to float towards the warm light

The music embraced my heart and healed it

Walking alongside the shore

I look up into the deep blue sky

The sun is shining down on me

Cleansing me from the inside out

I take a deep breath, in and out, in and out

It is then that I find my liberation

The freedom that I desperately sought from this world

Closing my eyes I stand up, sink my feet into the sand

I begin to walk towards the fading sun

No longer fearing the darkness around me

Even in those moments, there will always be

A light to guide me towards my dream

The melody of the sun plays in my heart

Chasing away any lingering shadows

7-24-08: Soulless

A storm is brewing inside of me

The tears flow from my soul

Only to splatter against my cheeks

Leaving me empty and cold

I am alone in this misery

My heart is shattered

Each piece drenched in sadness

My life is an abyss of torment

I had a dream filled with light

Nightmares have become my shadow

I am haunted by my demons

Afraid to meet tomorrow

Untitled 10/4/08

My heart races towards you

Each step bringing our paths closer

I waited this long for you and now my wait is over

We are two people divided only by distance

Time has opened my eyes and my soul

I welcome you with a smile

I close my eyes and your face fills my dreams

Stay by my side always and lets travel this world together

Thank you for loving me for who I am

My blessings exist with you

I am inspired by you

Love shall always be kind to our path

May our stars shine brightly in the night sky

Our warmth linger with the sunrise

We are always and forever

Two of a kind

1/03/09: Oh! Heavenly Dreams

Lying in the softness of clouds

My eyes shut out the darkness of the world

Leaving my soul to float away towards Heavenly dreams

With wings I soar through the endless possibilities

Catching a glimpse of happiness along the way

The gust strengthens against me---and I fall

Faster and faster towards the earth

Farther and farther from my heavenly dreams

The blanket of clouds fades into nothingness

I crash into the world, cold and alone

Where is this place?

There is so much sadness here

I kneel and pray for wings to fly freely from this world

Dear God, won't you give me wings to fly towards liberation...

To feel the rush of the wind against my soul

To lie in the coolness of the clouds

To be in your midst---a place of safety and peace

Suddenly, I feel this warm presence all around me

Seeping into my body, cleansing me, and healing me

I feel my body transforming and the sweetest sound soothes my ears

My wings! I stand and my feet no longer touch the earth

Once again I head towards my Heavenly dreams

Knowing, that future lies in one of them

I smile as I feel the pressure of my Father's hand

He is with me; guiding, protecting, and believing in me

My Heavenly Father and my Heavenly dreams are waiting for me

With that, I take a deep breath and fly faster and faster towards my destiny

Farther and farther I move towards my fate, on wings of courage

01-16-08: Thundering Soul

My stomach is tied in knots of frustration

While my heart beats painfully against my chest

As my breathing becomes more and more labored

It is in moments like this that I wish for him

That person who will be my shield

Protecting me from the darkness of this earth

I wish to be held tightly

Sinking into his warmth

Knowing that I won't have to face this war alone

I wish for his hand

To wipe away my tears

I wish for his wisdom

To ease the chaos in my head

My soul is thundering inside of me

Waiting for the storm to pass

And the calm to appear

I am drained of all my energy

When will it get better

I asked for blessings

Will they be mine to have?

6/22/09: Bloom

If we are all flowers on this earth

Then I have yet to bloom

Why?

If I knew the answer

Would that question exist?

All the other flowers have shown the world their beauty

But mine has yet to unfold

Why?

Is it that my beauty is non-existent?

Is it that there is ugliness instead living inside me?

No...

It is because no one has watered me

No one has places me in the sun

That light has not reach me

Therefore, my petals don't bloom

Why?

He hasn't found me yet

That person who's eyes were meant to look upon me

To see that in this delicate flower lies me

I am a person only visible to him

Why?

Isn't that what love is?

If everyone could see my beauty

Would that be love?

No...

Love is meant for that other person

That person who gives you a reason to bloom

That one person who sees you?

Sees what?

My beauty

My heart

My dreams

That person...is the sun and the rain

To this flower that person brings life

That person makes me warm and safe

That person makes me want to bloom

So he can see my beauty

07/18/09: Together

Hold my hand

Let me intertwine my fingers

With yours

Let us walk down the road

Together

I want to feel your presence

By my side

I want to see my smile

Reflected in your eyes

Knowing that where I go

You go

Hold me close and never

Let me Go

Be my lover and

My friend

Lets share our burdens

Double our triumphs

Open our hearts to find

LOVE

All by Lola O. (Various dates)

Gravity

2009-09-29T19:44:00.000-07:00

Music is a huge part of my life. Pretty much my first and only love at the moment. Coldplay is my favorite band ever since I heard "The Scientist," in a way they changed my life and opened my eyes to a whole new world of music and beauty. Every time I listen to this song my heart aches and a bittersweet kind of way. You know those songs that feel as if it was written just for you to describe how you are feeling...this song does just that for me. In a haunting kind of way...

Untitled 1

2009-09-29T14:21:00.000-07:00

Clipped wings fall to the ground

Once a bird, now I am nothing

Trapped in this human body

Suffocating on this earth

How I long for my blue skies

I ache to soar

I wish for my freedom

To taste the clouds in the sunlight

I am dying here

This is not my world

I don't belong here

Let Me Go

I was meant to fly towards the heavens

Not walk upon this earth

I belong to the sky

Like a child belongs to its mother

Free me from my bindings

Give me my wings

Let me go to my home

I must return to the sky

It beckons to me

I cannot resist its beauty

I am a creature not of this earth

Let me go

Let me soar

Or watch me perish on this earth

By: Lola O. 9/19/09

I need you, I want you

2009-09-29T14:11:00.000-07:00

I wait for you

Everyday I wait

Hoping today will be the day

You find me

Are you even looking for me?

Do you even care?

I am waiting for you

My heart is aching for you

I don't want to spend another day

Wishing and Praying to meet you

How much longer?

Each day without you is unbearable

If you could only see how lonely I am

I've been waiting for you for a long time

I need you, I want you

I don't want to spend my days on this earth alone

And yet that is exactly what I do

I eat alone, sleep alone, cry alone

I fight alone, suffer alone...I am always alone

This loneliness is draining my soul

Find me, Comfort Me, Love Me

I need you, I want you

Don't you feel the same?

Where are you?

Do you share my misery?

I am waiting for you

But waiting is torture

My blood flows out

The wounds cover me

Save me, Heal me

I am waiting for you

I am always waiting for you

By: Lola O. 9/19/09

Forever Lost

2009-09-29T13:58:00.000-07:00

Trapped in loneliness

Crying out for someone

To hear Me

To comfort Me

Everything is dark

My breathing is shallow

I am drowning in tears

My heart is hurting

The pain is suffocating me

How much longer will it be?

Till I find My freedon

Till I have My peace

I am drained of energy

Unable to move on

I lay here shivering

In a blanket of solitude

It hurts, it hurts, IT HURTS

This loneliness

This pain

This suffocation

I feel my body getting colder

My mind blanker

No one hears My cries

No one helps Me

No one comforts Me

No one save Me

My heart beats slowly

Then it stops and I am

Forever Lost

By: Lola O. 9/19/09

☼ About Me ☼

2009-09-29T13:28:00.006-07:00

"That's really what writing is, isn't it? Searching for the magic words..."

What do you want to know besides..?

Basics: 22, Female, Moody, Nigerian, Middle-child, Bookworm, Mama's girl, Picky, Quote fanatic, Eclectic music lover, Artsy (duh)...

I never really know what to write in these about me pages but the most important thing to know about me is that I love writing, in that deep and passionate way a person loves their lover. Writing has and will always be my outlet of emotional release. It allows me to uncork all those turbulent feelings inside of me and let the explode in words. Words are power and writing is my tool.

I primarily write poetry, but I have dabbled in other areas and am currently working on a short story (we will see what happens). I tend to like to write scenes that I see in my head between characters but lately I have been feeling inspired by other writers to try to write a story.

As far as artsy stuff besides writing I am obsessed with music, quotes, and photography. I am hoping to learn the acoustic guitar and take a digital photography class once I can cough up some moola.

I don't have a particular writing style except I write what I feel and my poetry tends to be sad, full angst and imagery. I get inspired by a lot of things when it comes to my writing and I always write with music on. Preferably songs with lots of instrumentals in it. Have no clue what else to say...

✿ Contact ✿

2009-09-29T13:28:00.005-07:00

lolaoinseoul@gmail.com

‼ FAQ ‼

2009-09-29T13:28:00.003-07:00

Will Update. If you have general questions ask them here!

1. Why Lola's Dreamscape?
2. What is the meaning behind Acoustic Imagery?